What Was The Lockout All About?

And then, a day after Thanksgiving, as we went through a tryptophan detox, and while barely anyone was watching at all, they made a deal. Like Moses descending from Mt. Sinai with the Ten Commandments, David Stern returned from the all-mighty negotiating room with a new Collective Bargaining Agreement (CBA) as we all stood in awe. There will be a 2012 NBA season — a completely logical solution consisting of 66 games, starting with a Christmas Day spectacular featuring many of the leagues big market teams. The same teams whose baleful influence over the economics of basketball was supposed to be the major point of management in explaining why we had this dreadful lockout. It might have been, had this whole lockout been about money anyway.

Straight from the Breaking Bad Fan Club

I find that life, mine in particular, can be explained as a line, starting at zero or “neutral,” followed by a series of events and factors that cause this line to rise above or dip below neutral. The events that cause changes in this line eventually average out to zero. All I am saying by this is that as one thing comes, another goes, and visa versa. I find this the most true in the things that entertain me. For example, the NBA had a lockout. I don’t know if you heard about it, but it was kind of a big deal. During those five months, I had a void that needed to be filled. To do this, I turned to hockey. Being as I have a propensity for fully diving into things, I adopted hockey as my third favorite sport and quickly started following it like baseball and football. Then the NBA lockout ended. But that doesn’t matter. What matters is that I made my “line” dip back up.

The same can be said for TV shows, on two counts. As we all know, Hollywood hasn’t had an original idea in a good five years now. This is a byproduct of studio executives being wildly, wildly terrible at their job. That’s the only explanation I have. How is it possible that Land of the Lost was made into a movie, after being one of the worst cartoons of all time? What number remake of The Planet of the Apes are we on? As much as I liked The Dark Knight, when will we stop pumping out superhero movie after superhero movie? Will there come a time when the Fast and Furious and Transformers franchises shut down? And more importantly, will anyone miss them? I mean as bad as Jack and Jill was, you still have to give Adam Sandler credit in at least not making Happy Gilmore 2 (although that would probably have been a better movie). But, I digress. The moral here is that now that I hate movies, I have had to salvage my entertainment in the form of television. That was the first part of my television renaissance. The second part cannot be written without mentioning the wonderful writers of House, and how they managed to ruin the only show I watched every single week for 8 seasons. After I gave up on House, I went on a safari through TV Guide and found a little show on AMC called Breaking Bad. I don’t exactly know how to put this into words, so I will just saying to the best of my abilities:

            This is the best show on TV, and it’s bordering on being the best show ever.

2010-2011 New York Mets. The Hoax, The Myth, The Legendary Failure (Part Two)

If you missed Part One (which detailed all infield positions) click here.

Part 2

The New York Mets currently sit 17.5 games behind the Phillies in the National League East and are at .500, which is atrocious considering the team has a payroll of 120 million (7^th in the majors). A feat of such incompetence cannot go unnoticed, and that same feat brought me to write this. My task? Explain to people through every vivid, painful detail just how annoying it is to root for this underperforming yet overpaid team.

2010-2011 New York Mets. The Hoax, The Myth, The Legendary Failure (Part One)

The New York Mets currently sit 17.5 games behind the Phillies in the National League East and are at .500, which is atrocious considering the team has a payroll of 120 million (7^th in the majors). A feat of such incompetence can not go unnoticed, and that same feat brought me to write this. My task? Explain to people through every vivid, painful detail just how annoying it is to root for this underperforming yet overpaid team.

Rex Ryan is the Most Obese Teenage Girl Alive

Now that football is back, here are a couple of things that need to happen:

• Free Agents need to be signed.
• Training Camps need to start.
• Useless exhibition games need to be played.
• Rex Ryan needs to shut the fuck up.

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